segunda-feira, 1 de outubro de 2007

Tinha duas pernas

Seu relógio brilhava sob uma lâmpada econômica. A luz que encontrava o metálico ponteiro de segundos refletia-se contra a parede na forma de uma luminosidade fraca, como para desmaiar. Mesmo que ela não movesse o pulso, o reflexo mudaria de posição constantemente. Mesmo que ela não se movesse, os segundos passariam. Sua vida mudaria. Mesmo que ela não se movesse.

E aquele tempo que o relógio regia parecia ser cheio de nada. Aquelas horas pareciam voltar sempre ao mesmo lugar. Sua vida poderia virar, desvirar, seus versos, suas frentes, tudo poderia morrer e nascer quantas vezes fosse necessário: enquanto houvesse um relógio, os ponteiros voltariam sempre ao mesmo lugar.

Não tinha rotina que pudesse tirá-la do lugar. Não tinha ação constante que a levantasse. Sua vida era isso. Apesar de viver nas curvas, nos planos e quedas de uma montanha russa, estava sempre da mesma maneira. Sentada.

Achava tudo muito bom, só para não admitir que na realidade não havia achado coisa nenhuma. Para não revelar a má-vontade com suas vontades. Terrivelmente cansada com o velho cansaço. Seus pensamentos se voltavam à velha pergunta: será que pensava? E passava cada ato projetando o próximo ato, não realizando nada, sua vida era apenas uma peça. No quebra-cabeça errado.

E foi na tentativa de não quebrar a cabeça que se contorceu toda para caber no espaço que lhe haviam dado. Suas idéias eram muito grandes para ele. E caso se ajustasse tornava-se logo muito pequena para a própria consciência. Expandiu-se e contraiu tão irracionalmente que a cada obstáculo transpassado, novos dois lhe surgiam. E que fazer? Pior, o que deixar de fazer?

Foi a isso que seus dias se resumiram: a esse azedume da alma que joga ácido na saliva, faz do pensamento coisa palpável, quase bebida corrosiva.

Esse sal da terra que enterra os pés, que em terra nada são, a não ser automóvel de carne e unha.

Cunha escrita, proscrita como história antiga, ou dos antepassados, o futuro.

Furo no lençol denunciando linha partida. Alinhando aquela vida como novelo de lã, que só dá volta, mas não volta pra saída.

Era a mesma linha de partida, a mesma risca final. Voltava-se, voltava para o nada onde nada é natural.

Não tinha rotina que pudesse tirá-la do lugar. Não havia ação, também. Sem rotina. Sem ação. Voltava toda vez à mesma rotação.

Mesmo que ela não se movesse.




Gabi.

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